WARNING: This is not an album one can listen to whilst doing the housework or some other menial chore. It’s not background music, not at all. This is an album that demands your complete attention from start to finish. It’s like a naughty child that will set fire to the curtains if you dare take your eyes off of it for a second. It’s like when your partner waffles on about nothing for half an hour and then asks for your input when really, far from actually listening, all you’ve been doing is staring at her (or his) breasts. It’s like relaxing your mind during a tense game of chess and having your Queen taken by a pawn. In short, this album is mental.

This marks Ion Dissonance’s first album since a three(ish) year long hiatus and clearly that gap has stoked the creative fires to an almost hellish temperature because this album is a widdle fiends wet dream. The musicality on this album is enough to make even the most po faced Dream Theater fan sit up and think ‘Damn these boys can play, but do they have to shout so much?’. Well Mr. Fictional Dream Theater Man yes they do have to shout and with a pair of lungs like those housed in Kevin McCaughey’s chest it’d be a crying shame if he didn’t. Rarely do vocals sound as genuinely pissed off as they do on this disc.

Let’s get the incredibly lazy and predictable comparisons out of the way, this album has Meshuggah’s guitar tone (Nothing era onwards) and Dillinger Escape Plan’s hectic song structures. There’s blasts, there’s polyrhytm’s, there’s ‘beatdownz’ and I’m pretty sure I heard the kitchen sink in there somewhere as well but somehow these mad Canadian bastards make it all work. The production, bravely taken on by ID’s own Antoine Lussier, is amazing. Every sweep pick chimes through with crystal clarity while the chugs will probably vibrate your speakers of of your shelf, or table, or desk or wherever your Feng Shui tells you to put them.

The album ticks along at a relentless pace and closes with two of the more ’sedate’ and ‘restrained’ tracks on the album in They’ll Never Know and Pallor which, quite frankly, comes as a relief after the 11 preceding tracks of aural battery. It’s the musical equivalent of sharing a nice hug with someone who just gave you a horrendously violent seeing to.

If you’re one of those people who are learning an instrument and like to torture yourselves by listening to the sort of stuff you could only ever dream of playing on your chosen instrument, this is one for you. Also highly recommended if you suffer from ADHD as these tunes don’t sit still for a second.

Fukpig proudly proclaim on their Myspace “there’s only 2 beats, the blast and the D”. If that slogan, the bands moniker, song titles such as Britain’s got fucking AIDS and the term “Necropunk” doesn’t tell you almost all you need to know about Fukpig you’re probably the lyrical inspiration for at least one of the tracks on this album.

Bringing together members of Anaal Nathrakh and the sorely missed Mistress, Fukpig seamlessly fuse together crust, grind and black metal to produce the kind of racket that would give Beelzebub a throbbing head (ooh err). Kicking the album off in Usain Bolt like fashion is Die Bastard with riffing reminiscent of Napalm Death’s punkier side breaking into full on Nordic black metal blasts. This is the News almost sounds Nasum like at times while Necessary Heresies manages to cram in a sweet Maiden-esque guitar line.

Musically it’s pretty much the same deal as last years Fukpig offering, the main difference between this album and Spewings from a Selfish Nation is the production. The vocals are much clearer in the mix this time without sacrificing the incredibly filthy and sludgy guitar tones. This just means you can hear the venom and hate spewing forth from your speakers all the more clearly.

The synths aren’t really my bag, but then they’re my least favourite aspect of black metal as a whole (I know, I’m clearly not ‘kvlt’). Luckily (for me anyway) they only pop up every now and again and don’t take anything away from the intensity at all.

Fukpig rarely play live so make the effort to catch them if you can *cough*Damnation*cough* as I can’t imagine much better than a room of inebriated dick’eads screaming along to Mind Attack or the albums title track, and the break down towards the end of This is England would be amazing in a live setting.

One could argue that the fact that the drums LITERALLY only play ‘blasts’ and ‘D’ could make the album a tedious listen but to quote vocalist Drunk – “Everyone, feel free to pick apart anything from the album you like, but just remember, it’s just a fucking punk album at the end of the day.”

Buy it.

If you’re anything like me, when you’re pissed off and stressed out the only thing that can help rememdy that is the most aggressive, fast, pissed off music imaginable. For some reason it has an amazingly calming effect on me and has probably spared a number of civilians on a number of occasions. If that sounds like you and only the most horrific and raw noise will sedate you Goner is most certainly for you.

Imagine Wolverine Blues era Entombed knocking over  Converge’s pint, words being exchanged, His Hero is Gone trying to split them up, Trap Them walking past trying to get to the toilet and accidentally getting hit in the face, a brawl kicking off and the metaphorical bar they were all sharing laughs in not minutes before being reduced to rubble and you can get an idea of what to expect. In short, this album is amazing.

Opening track Goner (one of the more ‘epic’ tracks clocking in at just over 3 minutes ZOMG!) sets the tone straight away kicking in with a gorgeous hardcore guitar riff harking back to the ‘old skool’, furious d-beat and even breaking into tasty little blasts. This song alone gives you a flavour of what the rest of the album is about in 185 glorious seconds. Faith is Shit gives you an idea of where these San Franciscans are coming from lyrically with the relentless pace only letting up momentarily for the awesome Wraiths. Yea, it’s your obligatory ‘post hardcore’ down tempo track that you’d normally find on these sorts of albums but in this instance it’s a welcome moment of breathing space and just as listenable as the rest of the album despite lacking in tempo.

Can I talk about the production? I can? Amazing! I’ve got one word to sum up the production ‘Analogue’. I don’t care who you are, analogue production will make you sound at least 70% more evil than you would normally. If Mcfly recorded in analogue they’d probably have sounded more like Moff Tarkin ordering the destruction of Alderaan than the massive benders the world ending up hearing.

Closing track Harm is far from the normal atmospheric, self indulgent wankery that you’d probably expect. If anything it’s one of the most intense tracks on the whole disc, and this is a fair intense disc.

This album is 10 tracks of no bullshit aggression thumped out in 26 minutes. Do yourselves a favour and buy it, if I was rating this album as an e-bay transaction it’s probably be something like

“SWIFT DELIVERY AND PROMPT PAYMENT – WOULD USE AGAIN AND AGAIN A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++”

Or whatever the fuck you e-bayers write.

www.mysace.com/earlygravessf

www.twitter.com/earlygraves

It’s Saturday morning and I turn on the TV to sit down with my Corn Flakes (other cereals are available) and mong out for a while. Unfortunately though I’m confronted by the ‘Hollyoaks Music Show’ with special guests Tinchy Strider, Diana Vickers, the Hoosiers and some other horrible dickheads. This made me do a cry into my dressing gown because not much more than 12 hours ago I was watching one of my favourite bands of all time tear up the ULU and leave it a bloody, twitching mess on the floor.

Opening the proceedings that night were Norwegian mob Kvelertak (I guarantee you just pronounced that wrong in your head). Their unique ‘crust and roll’ is quite far removed from the savagery of Converge but the 3 guitar assault was highly enjoyable. It’s the first time the majority of the crowd had ever been exposed to these guys and I for one am looking forward to checking them out again, which is apparently fairly soon. We were so close to getting an exclusive tour announcement for you, instead all we got was a really vague and cryptic clue.

www.myspace.com/kvelertak

Gaza were up next and honestly they didn’t grab me too much. You could tell they were playing with passion but there was just something a bit lacking for me. Again it was this lots first time on UK soil so I’m not sure if being unfamiliar with the material was the problem for me but I just didn’t feel moved. Gaza struck me as a less interesting version of ‘The Power and the Glory’, although massive props to them for crowbarring a ‘LOL’ and a ‘BRB’ into their hate filled lyrics.

www.myspace.com/gaza

Then it was the turn of Kylesa to turn the mood from ‘aggro discordance’ to heavy, heavy rock. It was my first time witnessing this lot live and I probably would’ve enjoyed it a lot more with the help of some ‘chemical enhancements’ but instead I had to make do with just being slightly tipsy. Kylesa had no problem filling the ULU with a wall of mongy, doomy, Sabbathy goodness which helped bring out the inner hippy in everyone witnessing their riff induced psychedelic trip. On a bill like this they obviously stuck out like a sore thumb but I got the impression that’s exactly how they like it. They’re playing Sonisphere in a couple of weeks and I’ll definitely be popping along again to give them another go, possibly with some ‘enhancements’. I did find myself willing the end of their set but I think that was mainly because I’d had the shittiest afternoon in the office and was desperate to just cut loose to the headliners.

www.myspace.com/kylesa

It’s hard for me to express just how much I loved Converge at one point in my life. The first time I stuck Jane Doe in my CD player I was a quivering wreck on the floor after the Concubine/Fault and Fracture opening. I used to play in a band that tried so, so hard to rip off every aspect of Jane Doe (but obviously failed miserably). Me and my friend Terry used to sit in his living room and watch The Long Road Home on repeat, especially that basement show, and dream one day that’d be us. That intense love started to wain when You Fail Me came out and again with No Heroes, not that I’m saying they’re bad albums, just that they didn’t connect with me the same way Jane did (<3 Jane). That all changed when Axe To Fall was released, another album with a stunning pair of opening tracks which reduced me to that quivering wreck once more.

Converge strolled on stage and straight away launched into Concubine followed by Dark Horse, which I’m pretty sure is one of the best opening tracks of any album in recent memory, and with this my love affair with Converge started all over again. It didn’t take long at all for the crowd to open up and pretty much stayed like that for the entire set. The songs they played from No Heroes and You Fail Me made me dig the albums out as soon as I got home and realise how good they actually are. Personal highlight for me was Locust Reign but the assembled masses were going insane to every song. Converge were giving their all for this crowd and the crowd were giving it back ten fold. Stage divers were hurling themselves off the stage like lemmings off of a cliff, even if the majority didn’t meet Converge’s seemingly high standard. It was rare that Jacob Bannon kept hold of the mic for longer than 30 seconds at a time, dipping it into the crowd to treat everyone to some sub standard crowd wailing over the PA. All in all it was a punishing set and I’ll see you at the front at Sonisphere and probably punch you in the face. Nowt personal, just Converge innit. One massive gripe though… NO SADDEST DAY! Converge, on that front, you failed me

www.myspace.com/converge

We managed to grab chats with Kylesa and Kvelertak which will be up on the site soon. Now if you don’t mind I think I’m off to Terry’s house to watch that DVD again.

“ACTIVATE THE FUCKING LASER GUITARS!!!”

I really hope that’s what The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza were screaming at each other in the studio because, seriously, Danza III: The Series of Unfortunate Events has guitars that sound like lasers and grooves that will probably make you shit yourself. They also happen to have one of my favourite band names ever (alongside Bodies in the Gears of the Apparatus and Uncle Bob Drives a Combine in case you were wondering).

Danza III is, as the name suggests, the third full length by these Nashville lads and it is a crushing disc to say the very least. Musically it’s not that different to Danza II: The Electric Boogaloo but the emphasis is definitely more on that chunky groove this time around and christ on a bike can Danza groove. There are moments when everything locks in just right and that primal urge to smash everyone in the face becomes almost too much, so maybe not one to listen to on the morning commute.

I don’t normally ‘do’ the whole mid tempo chug fest thing but luckily the Danzas break up what could’ve easily been 12 tracks of monotony with some amazing six string proficiency and the kind of rhythmical fuckery that leaves you not quite knowing when to bang your head which helps keep things interesting. The production job on this one is chuffing huge as well, a vast improvement on Danza II’s comparatively thin sound. When they dive into those tasty breakdowns it sounds absolutely immense. I know I’ve already mentioned the laser guitars but I’m pretty sure they deserve another mention so… FUCKING GUITARS SOUND LIKE LASERS!!!

I’ll not lie, I found Danza III a bit of a tough nut to crack initially and would say it’s a ‘grower not a shower’ type album. After repeated listens though I’m now at the point where I can’t listen to ‘Yippie-Kay-Yay MOTHER!@#$%^‘ without grinning like a complete dickhead and I defy you not to do the same. People are already hailing this as one of the best releases of 2010, I’m not sure I’m ready to hop on that wagon yet but this is definitely one to check out, especially if you’re a fan of lasers.

http://www.myspace.com/tonydanzatapdanceextravaganza
http://www.blackmarketactivities.com